These are the Top Ten Excuses for Missing Shul on Shabbos Morning. Please use them with discretion.

Excuse Number 10: The Dog ate my Shabbos Shoes

Excuse Number 9: The Cholent overpowered me and wouldn’t let me leave the house

Excuse Number 8: I was meditating on a higher plane and lost track of existence

Excuse Number 7: It wasn’t Shabbos in Australia

Excuse Number 6: I was kidnapped and taken to the college football, and I only just escaped (and walked back on foot)

Excuse Number 5: Aliens landed on my front lawn and demanded that I take them to my leader, so I spent Shabbos with the Rebbe

Excuse Number 4: I davened at the earlier minyan (use with caution – sometimes this excuse is not believed)

Excuse Number 3: I’ve become an Amshenover Chasid and it is only Tuesday for me

Excuse Number 2: The Farbrengen went on too late last night after the Tisch

And Excuse Number 1: I was so engrossed in my daf yomi that I lost track of time

(In case you missed the Tisch and the Aliens – here it is)