TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO DURING THE RABBI’S SERMON:

(cross posted from www.torahlab.org)

Number 10: Read a book

Number 9: Pretend to be reading a book

Number 8: Read a banned book

Number 7: Fall asleep

Number 6: Fall asleep and snore loudly

Number 5: play ‘Sermon Cricket’ (see below)

Number 4: give a running commentary on ‘Sermon Cricket’ to the person next to you

Number 3: give a running commentary on ‘Sermon Cricket’ to the person across the room from you

Number 2: Give a live update on the current cricket test score

and the Number 1 thing not to do when the Rabbi is giving the sermon: answer your cell phone to get the latest cricket test score, after leaving it ringing loudly for quite a while first!

‘Sermon Cricket’

‘Sermon Cricket’ is a game almost as old as cricket itself. It is loosely based on the traditional laws of cricket (though without the batsmen, balls, bowlers or wickets).

Certain phrases, such as ‘parsha’, ‘sedra’, ‘torah’ score a single. ‘Rashi’, ‘Ramban’ or any other Rishon is worth two runs. ‘Hell’, ‘Heaven’ or any synonym is a four. And if the Rabbi mentions ‘G-d’ that is a whopping great SIX.

Wickets and some runs are taken by the Rabbi’s hand gestures – pointed finger being run out and a sorrowful shake of his head a turning down of a certain LBW appeal.

One Rabbi prone to a wagging digit as he rammed home his points got the entire visiting Australian side out for a virtual 9 runs!